Wednesday, May 12, 2004
My bad habits
I'm irresistible!
It was in the dark of cinema that I discovered my inner thigh was unstoppably appetising.
Alas, it wasn't being munched down on by an exciting man, or a desperate woman - but by bugs.
I'm suddenly covered in vicious insect bites that are really rather sore, deliciously temptingly itchy, and curiously placed.
Correct. There is one on my bum. It makes cycling peculiar.
The one thing that soothes them is Deep Heat. Although... *new fact*... am learning to be careful where I apply it.
Alas, it wasn't being munched down on by an exciting man, or a desperate woman - but by bugs.
I'm suddenly covered in vicious insect bites that are really rather sore, deliciously temptingly itchy, and curiously placed.
Correct. There is one on my bum. It makes cycling peculiar.
The one thing that soothes them is Deep Heat. Although... *new fact*... am learning to be careful where I apply it.
Monday, May 10, 2004
St Pancras Hotel
Ex-flatmate Paul is over from Australia. Which seemed like the perfect excuse to tour St Pancras' Chambers - the old Midland Hotel, also known as "That Weird Gothic Fantasy that gives NW1 its only touch of class".
The Hotel closed in 1935, and has been abandoned since the 1980s. It's about to be closed down and restored as a hotel in time for the Eurostar opening in 2007. Which is terrible exciting. Although, as a "Five Star Deluxe" hotel, I doubt I'll ever do more than sniff gin at the bar.
It's an amazing, oddly moving building - haunted, echoey, and an absolute must for a visit.
At the moment, there's also a lot of filming equipment there, as it's a location for Batman IV.
The Hotel closed in 1935, and has been abandoned since the 1980s. It's about to be closed down and restored as a hotel in time for the Eurostar opening in 2007. Which is terrible exciting. Although, as a "Five Star Deluxe" hotel, I doubt I'll ever do more than sniff gin at the bar.
It's an amazing, oddly moving building - haunted, echoey, and an absolute must for a visit.
At the moment, there's also a lot of filming equipment there, as it's a location for Batman IV.
A Witch In White Heels
My friend Nat went to WitchFest '04 this weekend. It was in Essex.
I wonder, were they casting spells round their handbags?
I wonder, were they casting spells round their handbags?
Friday, May 07, 2004
To Mr Sark
(contains minor Alias Season 3 spoilers)
I no longer love you Mr Sark,
When you came into my life in Alias season one, you were great. You were young, stylish, cultured and British. You were evil to the core, dressed nicely, knew obscure martial arts, and always called for fine wines whilst being tortured. Yes, you were a little bit gay - even though you were sleeping with Syd's best friend Francie's evil lesbian twin. But we could forgive you that - she was a diva, after all. You were bad, and yet so good for me. Oh, and, yeah, you looked like this:
But all that's now changed. Now, in Season three, you've gone really, really evil. You're no longer charming, you've started buying duff sunglasses, and wearing combats, for goodness' sake. And Francie's gone downhill - I can't believe you'd be seen near all those silly feather boas and skirts she's nicked from Portobello Road.
You also killed your father - but first, you tortured him with one of those creme brulee torches. You're still magnificently gay, but I no longer like you.
Of course, if I'm going to be truthful, I think it's because of the hair. You look like a raped mole. It's rubbish:
I no longer love you Mr Sark,
When you came into my life in Alias season one, you were great. You were young, stylish, cultured and British. You were evil to the core, dressed nicely, knew obscure martial arts, and always called for fine wines whilst being tortured. Yes, you were a little bit gay - even though you were sleeping with Syd's best friend Francie's evil lesbian twin. But we could forgive you that - she was a diva, after all. You were bad, and yet so good for me. Oh, and, yeah, you looked like this:
But all that's now changed. Now, in Season three, you've gone really, really evil. You're no longer charming, you've started buying duff sunglasses, and wearing combats, for goodness' sake. And Francie's gone downhill - I can't believe you'd be seen near all those silly feather boas and skirts she's nicked from Portobello Road.
You also killed your father - but first, you tortured him with one of those creme brulee torches. You're still magnificently gay, but I no longer like you.
Of course, if I'm going to be truthful, I think it's because of the hair. You look like a raped mole. It's rubbish:
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Relapse (don't do it)
One minute I was sat, talking about the world over a plate of goat curry. Then, all of a sudden, I felt this strangely familiar dizzy sweating sensation, accompanied by an inability to feel my arms. And fainted.
One minute later I was lying on the pavement outside a restaurant in Camden, with Kate holding my hand while Guy went to fetch ice water.
Horrid, weird meningitis flashback. Oddly, came on as soon as I started talking about work. Perhaps my panic attacks have mutated.
Worst of all was seeking sanctuary on a Camden pavement. They are the filthiest in London - what brought me round was probably the stench of urea combined with the stickiness of someone else's chewing gum on my cheek.
One minute later I was lying on the pavement outside a restaurant in Camden, with Kate holding my hand while Guy went to fetch ice water.
Horrid, weird meningitis flashback. Oddly, came on as soon as I started talking about work. Perhaps my panic attacks have mutated.
Worst of all was seeking sanctuary on a Camden pavement. They are the filthiest in London - what brought me round was probably the stench of urea combined with the stickiness of someone else's chewing gum on my cheek.
Saving the world.
My friend Jalpa saves the world. She's worked in disaster relief and humanitarian aid in countries I haven't even heard of, and she's now doing a year long course in this thing.
This term's project is AIDS.
WEEK ONE
You start off being presented with the problem "Solve the AIDS crisis in Africa." You do some workshopping, and realise you need to create a fundamental cultural shift, providing contraception, encouraging men to use it, and empowering women to demand that their sexual partners do. It's fairly radical - probably similar to trying to make all Englishmen watch football through a veil. This isn't cheap - but we're just playing here.
On top of that, you also have to fund AIDS drugs for those infected - although in Africa this only extends life expectancy by five years.
WEEK TWO
Same problem as week one. But you only have £10 million pounds.
Step one - forget all about the AIDS drugs.
WEEK THREE
Same problem as last week. But this time your £10 million pounds come with real American Government demands - that funds aren't used to promote contraception or the distribution of condoms, and can only promote abstinence and faithful marital sex as the only acceptable behavioural models.
This term's project is AIDS.
WEEK ONE
You start off being presented with the problem "Solve the AIDS crisis in Africa." You do some workshopping, and realise you need to create a fundamental cultural shift, providing contraception, encouraging men to use it, and empowering women to demand that their sexual partners do. It's fairly radical - probably similar to trying to make all Englishmen watch football through a veil. This isn't cheap - but we're just playing here.
On top of that, you also have to fund AIDS drugs for those infected - although in Africa this only extends life expectancy by five years.
WEEK TWO
Same problem as week one. But you only have £10 million pounds.
Step one - forget all about the AIDS drugs.
WEEK THREE
Same problem as last week. But this time your £10 million pounds come with real American Government demands - that funds aren't used to promote contraception or the distribution of condoms, and can only promote abstinence and faithful marital sex as the only acceptable behavioural models.
Bad train journey
Every now and then I can't afford the tenner for a Weekend First upgrade. And travelling standard on a train isn't *that* bad. Except...
I found a seat. Opposite a single mother, with her brood. Three of them. All howling, clambering, spitting crayons. One, dressed as a ballerina, stood on top of the table all the time, trying to out squeal her siblings whilst wetting herself in a constant trickle down onto the table.
Her name was Sky.
Never ever name children after a digital television channel.
(Although, if I owned a kitten, I would call him Babestation)
I found a seat. Opposite a single mother, with her brood. Three of them. All howling, clambering, spitting crayons. One, dressed as a ballerina, stood on top of the table all the time, trying to out squeal her siblings whilst wetting herself in a constant trickle down onto the table.
Her name was Sky.
Never ever name children after a digital television channel.
(Although, if I owned a kitten, I would call him Babestation)
Good Bank Holiday
Spent it by the seaside, restoring a set of Victorian library steps. Started reading Other Powers, a history of lesbian spiritualist prostitutes in America.
West Wing Season Three (no spoilers)
Naturally, completely adorable - and addictive. The one problem with the series, when you watch enough episodes in a row, is realising that each episode is a meditation a single word.
To take the first four episodes, the words are - Islam, Relieved, Torpor, and Boxes.
It reminds me of an old, old BBC Radio programme called Ask The Experts, where the mighty and wise all sat in a room outclevering each other. Each week, the experts were easily outdone by philosopher CEM Joad, whose standard tactic in reponse to each question ("What is the meaning of life?", "When should I plant roses?") was to suck in roomfulls of breath, pause, and then say, "Well, it depends what you mean by..."
Of course, once you've uncovered the trick, it's fairly straightforward. But no less entertaining. Especially when you're central character is
a) President of the United States.
b) Married to Stockard Channing.
c) Can't resist calling helplines for a laugh.
To take the first four episodes, the words are - Islam, Relieved, Torpor, and Boxes.
It reminds me of an old, old BBC Radio programme called Ask The Experts, where the mighty and wise all sat in a room outclevering each other. Each week, the experts were easily outdone by philosopher CEM Joad, whose standard tactic in reponse to each question ("What is the meaning of life?", "When should I plant roses?") was to suck in roomfulls of breath, pause, and then say, "Well, it depends what you mean by..."
Of course, once you've uncovered the trick, it's fairly straightforward. But no less entertaining. Especially when you're central character is
a) President of the United States.
b) Married to Stockard Channing.
c) Can't resist calling helplines for a laugh.
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