A woman is dragging her bloke around Lidl.
"You are bang out of order. BANG out of order. BANG!" she yells, slapping packets of sliced meat into her basket.
She's got a great body, but a face that somehow screams "less drugs more moisturiser". Her bloke just looks hangdog.
She gets to the counter and starts screaming at the till assistant. "You know what this fucker's done? Do you?"
The man at the counter demurs.
"I only just got home to find him in the fucking bathroom wanking with his best mate. Didn't I, you stupid pig?" She jabbed her boyfriend in the elbow. He looked more miserable. She shouted some more, forgot her pin number, then left Lidl, kicking her boyfriend ahead of her.
The staff behind the counter then performed a perfect Mexican wave of eye rolling.
PS: Sorry, it's been a bit quiet. I have asked the Affection Unit if I can sleep around to provide the blog with stories of silliness. "Of course you can, sweetheart," he says. "Joking."