New chat up line

"Excuse me, are you a Doctor Who monster?"

Met a charming man who I recognised vaguely from somewhere. His name's Trey (changed by deedpoll from Jason), he's 19, and finished his work on set by asking Someone Important for a drink.

Due to everyone being very drunk, nothing sadly happened with young Trey. He phoned the next night, but we were too knackered to go out.

Working from Wales II

There's been a lack of updates, due to the weird computer situation here.

I've got the internet, email, and a working computer. But not necessarily in the same building.

Working from Wales

I'm spending the week in Wales, working on a very exciting BBC project that I can't really talk about. But everyone in BBC Wales is very nice, and pleasantly cynical.

Plus, given to moments of complete childish joy, as in "Shall we just go and ?"

BBC Wales really does have a woman playing a harp in the middle of a corridor.

Thank god for the Monday Guardian

I met my new manager. It did not go well. How weirdly scary.

****

Update: About a week later, I'm still waking up worried.

Portillo no longer alone

Dear The Busted

So, you've finally come out. As Tory. How sad.

Now we know why you went to the year 3000. To see if there was a Conservative government.

There wasn't, was there?

The Child Actor

Eric was so gay you can hear him on Mars. He was the kind of gay man who puts the twinkle into Twink. And, much to Matt's seething disapproval, I'd caught his eye.

"I never knew you liked Russian orphans," growled Matt as I went over to talk to him.

Eric, it turns out, is almost 20, and follows his mother around the world, from marriage to marriage ("She's on number eight. South African. Don't like his house."). He's currently dividing his time between a thriving fashion and jewelry business ("Do you like my jacket? My last secretary gave it me."), marketing Red Bull in Canada (it's only been legal for three weeks), and acting. He loves LA, although, "I'm straight there. Everyone's straight in LA."

According to Eric, he was a regular in a series called 2030 CE (it's well worth following the link). "Mom was sleeping with the producer, so I got a part."

This show is now my new favourite thing. After a catastrophe, the world is run by teenagers. Remember the show from "Cruise of the Gods"? Someone made it. The show's Imdb page includes a review which states: "Pure Crap". I want to see it now.

Canadian politeness

Sign in a Toronto sauna: "Caution: Wet Floor"

Nasty new experience

I've maxed out my credit card. How did that happen?

How a lesbian became a drag queen

The Toronto Drag scene really is royalty. Every year they have a pageant to elect the Fabulous Imperial Court Of Toronto. There are drag queens wandering around with titles like "Her Imperial Majesty The Queen Mother Consuela Centigrade the Third".

Every bar you go, there's a man in a skirt. I've just seen the same Cher medley performed twice in an evening.

They've just held a Drag Idol competition. Stunningly, it was won by Bonnie, the fiendish bull dyke security manager at Crews Bar. Last anyone saw of her, she was a short, scowling pit bull in a lumberjack shirt.

Out on the smoking porch, her girlfriend Bonnie roars, "Okay fags. Stub 'em out and get in there! She's on." Meekly, we oblige.

Suddenly, she's on stage looking like... well, like a very pretty man dressed as a stunning woman. There's big hair, a bigger dress, and the biggest high heels, and she's strutting to torch songs like there's no tomorrow.

Matt leans over. "My god," he gasps. "She's.... smiling!"

Later Bonnie totters out to the smoking deck, pushing Candice, a drunk drag queen in a wheelchair. "These shoes are killing me!" she bellows. "How do you dance in these things every night?"

Candice shrugs, and points to her foot. It's in plaster.

Actor/Waiter

So, Cameron is an ex of Matt's. Matt points out that he's "had work done" - he's an aspiring actor (Sample quote: "They've offered me a musical about the second world war, but I don't know if I'll take it.") who spends most of his time waiting tables and worrying about his appearance.

He looks pretty stunning. Although, when Randall points out that most of the work he's had done makes him look like Bon Jovi, I suddenly saw his point.

Anyway, Cameron is charming and witty and appears to be coming on to me. Of course, Matt is with us, and having a generally shitty time with Randall, and so the seduction of an ex has to be carried out with care and sensitivity. Despite consuming a large amount of alcohol, we behave with perfect deportment until Matt leaves.

***

Two days later, I meet up with Matt again. "You left suddenly," I say.

"Well, yeah. There you were in the middle of the club, my ex's hands down your pants while you were dry-humping him."

Oh.