So, I have a meeting with a lot of very important TV Marketing people. Who I want to like me and take me seriously. This is always hard, as I always say stupid things. But today will be different. I will make an Extra Special Effort.
It's only when I get into work that I realise that I'm wearing a T-Shirt with "YOU SUCK!" written on it in giant letters.
Cue frantic scrabbling around. Nope. Nothing even vaguely wearable in my gym bag, so I eventually turn up in a thick wooly jumper. It has vivid horizontal stripes. That clash wildly with the vertical stripes on my trousers.
So I go to the meeting. It's in a nice warm room, and I begin to boil to death.
Worse, a man I've had meetings with before is there. He's always seemed a little dull and nondescript, but has been terribly easy to deal with. But not now. He's back from holiday, transformed by tan and stubble into an amazing god of a human being.
He keeps talking to me about really important stuff. And all I can hear in my head is the buzzing of my heart, and, distantly, Queen singing "Fat Bottomed Girls".