Thursday, June 04, 2009

Of Gods and Power

There's been a spate of Jehovah recently. There's also been doorknocking from power utilities.

I object to both. My religious views are complicated and private and i'm not going to be able to explain them fluently at my doorstep to a total stranger with an eerie smile.

Similarly, I've been against power utility door knockers since one claimed he was here to read the meter and then physically and verbally intimidated me until I rang the police. They're subtler nowadays, but they're still arseholes.

The last power straw was a smarmy man from E-On. "Hi! We're here because we're alarmed that you pay too much and we want to stop that."

"No, really, I don't. My last power bill was £18. Please... I don't like..."

"But we can honestly reduce that."

"Look. Please. Honestly. Very bad power salesman experience. So I won't let you in and I will not change supplier."

"Well, sir, I don't think that was with us, now was it? Who is your current supplier?"

"I'm fairly sure it's E-On. And please. I won't let you in."

"I can assure you that it's not E-On. And you'll be missing out on fantastic savings. Please let me in."

Just once I would like to date someone who stands outside my door, pleading through my letterbox to be let in. But not a utilities salesman.

A couple of days later I got a bill confirming that, yup, E-On do supply my electricity. So, I took action.

I have a sticker from Camden on my letterbox that says "No Junk Mail". With a sharpie I added "No Gods" to it, but couldn't fit in "No Electricity Salesmen" so instead wrote "No Power". I stood back to admire my handiwork.

Scrawled over my letterbox is the phrase "NO GODS - NO JUNK - NO POWER". Which makes me look so mad. I'm going to have to get another sticker from Camden.


Hugh said...

that was your fatal mistake - do not engage with these people, just say "no thanks" and shut the door.

the instant you reply to their questions, they know they have your attention. never bother giving some "British" excuse for why you're shutting the door, its your home and they are invading it

*gets off soap box

Skip said...

But you see there was this one time when there was this charming young opinion pollster who'd just moved over from Russia and...

Hugh said...

well clearly like all rules, there are exceptions, i'm sure young Russians are one of them

"rules are there for the guidance of the wise and the following by the stupid"

Sarah said...

I am quite tempted to put your sign over my letter box.

Lippy said...

I'm afraid that your mistake was to have a cat rather than a small dog. Strangers rarely want to hang around on your door step when they spot a Jack Russell terrier heading towards them with a determined look on its face.

On the downside, it can also scupper any lecherous intentions one might have had towards the Viking delivery man.

Skip said...

I always have lecherous intentions.