Originally A History Of The Universe In 100 Objects included a section where the Daleks hired a capable
project manager caled Penny to cast a professional eye over some of their plans…
INT. Earth, Bedfordshire c.2167
PENNY: Thanks for the gift basket, by the way. A tin of
pineapple, some bread and an orange, how thoughtful.
BLACK DALEK: Don’t mention it.
PENNY: Now, about Project: Degravitate…
BLACK DALEK: Yes?
PENNY: Well, why?
BLACK DALEK: I’m sorry?
PENNY: Forgive me, but why would you want to fly a planet through space?
BLACK DALEK: Look, we have our reasons.
PENNY: Well, I’m just a little worried about drilling down to the
Earth’s core.
BLACK DALEK: We dare to tamper with the forces of creation.
PENNY: Yes, you dare, but isn’t there a danger of volcanic activity?
Black: In Bedfordshire? I hardly think so.
PENNY: Ohh-kay…
***
INT. Skaro, Dalek city, c.2265
DALEK SUPREME: Well what do you think?
PENNY: Well, first off, I really like the time machine.
DALEK: But…?
PENNY: It’s Stage 2 I’m worried about.
DALEK: What’s wrong with ‘Infiltrate and kill’?
PENNY: Nothing per se – I’ve just a teensy worry about building a robot duplicate.
DALEK: It will be a success! A paramount success! It will be completely indistinguishable from the original!
PENNY: Yes, that’s what worries me. What if you get them
confused?
***
INT. Kembel, 4000
INT. Kembel, 4000
DALEK SUPREME: Ultimate success is within our grasp! The Galactic Alliance have joined with us! They are even giving us a full emm of Taranium! They’re actually building the Time Destructor for us! The fools!
PENNY: This Time Destructor…
DALEK SUPREME: Will age everything to death within seconds, yes.
PENNY: Within what kind of radius?
DALEK SUPREME: A very, very big one!
PENNY: Oh dear.
DALEK SUPREME: What?
***
INT. Skaro, Dalek city, 41st century
INT. Skaro, Dalek city, 41st century
EMPEROR DALEK: Report!
PENNY: Well, there’s good news and bad.
EMPEROR DALEK: Explain!
PENNY: Your plan to spread the Dalek Factor through all of space and time – I can’t fault that bit…
EMPEROR DALEK: But!
PENNY: Explain how your Arch works again…
EMPEROR DALEK: Anything that passes through the Arch will be infected with the Dalek Factor! They will obey without question! All Daleks will pass through the Arch! To Make Sure!
PENNY: All the same…
EMPEROR DALEK: What! Let's not fight in here!
PENNY: I’m just wondering – what if someone switched the Human Factor with the Dalek Factor…
***
INT. Earth, 22nd century
INT. Earth, 22nd century
GOLD DALEK: We will follow the rebels back through time! We
will make sure they blow up the peace conference! Our timeline will be assured!
PENNY: You know, if it were up to me, I’d be tempted to leave
well alone…
***
INT. Skaro, Kaled bunker, c.1450
INT. Skaro, Kaled bunker, c.1450
DAVROS: … and I am proudest of this red button. It is my greatest achievement!
PENNY: So pressing it will blow up all the Daleks?
DAVROS: Every single one. Such power will set me up among the gods!
Penny: Hmm…
***
INT. Dalek command fleet, c.4500
INT. Dalek command fleet, c.4500
SUPREME DALEK: Davros will help us win our war against the Movellans!
PENNY: But you exterminated him!
SUPREME DALEK: Davros is not the type to bear a grudge.
Penny: But he’s ordered all your forces to go and blow up the
Movellan ship.
SUPREME DALEK: Correct. They will press themselves against the hull.
PENNY: Are you absolutely sure there’s no other way of blowing it up?
SUPREME DALEK: We’re out of Taranium.
***
INT. Dalek battle cruiser, c.4590
INT. Dalek battle cruiser, c.4590
SUPREME DALEK: Davros will help us win our fight against the Movellans!
PENNY: But—
SUPREME DALEK: And while he isolates the Movellan virus, our robot duplicates will position themselves in Earth’s government and take control of the planet!
PENNY: I—
SUPREME DALEK: AND while they’re doing that, our duplicates of the Doctor and his associates will return to Gallifrey and assassinate the members of the High Council!
PENNY: I…
SUPREME DALEK: Well? Are you not impressed? Speak!
PENNY: It’s just, you know, we talked about trying to do just one thing well?
SUPREME DALEK: I was listening.
PENNY: Sure you were. I’m also going to raise the issue of that prison ship. I’m coming back to it having a big red auto-destruct button. Those things never work out well for you.
SUPREME DALEK: Unimportant! Davros must be allowed to work on the virus!
PENNY: Now, see, I’m also worried about that…
***
INT. Skaro, 47th century, Meeting Room
SUPREME DALEK: We will bring Davros back to Skaro and place him on trial!
PENNY: (sighs) Are there any more pastries?
***
INT. Skaro, 47th century
INT. Skaro, 47th century
DAVROS: Locating the Hand of Omega will give us mastery of the Time Vortex.
PENNY: Sorry, but how?
DAVROS: By sending a sun supernova!
PENNY: Do you know which one?
DAVROS: I’ll look into it and get back to you.
***
INT. Dalek saucer, 200,100
INT. Dalek saucer, 200,100
DALEK EMPEROR: I shall purify the Earth with fire!
PENNY: But don’t you also want to harvest the Earth’s population?
DALEK EMPEROR: Yes.
PENNY: Bad Wolf.
DALEK EMPEROR: I’m sorry?
PENNY: Nothing.
***
INT. Dalek Crucible, 2009
INT. Dalek Crucible, 2009
PENNY: Let me run through the bullet points – the Reality Bomb will wipe out not just all life in the universe, but also all matter?
SUPREME DALEK: Yes. In this universe and all universes.
PENNY: Lovely! Including you?
SUPREME DALEK: We’re still fine-tuning the granularity on that. But yes. Pretty much everything. Apart from Adelaide Brook.
PENNY: Who?
SUPREME DALEK: Don’t know. But anyway, everything but her.
PENNY: And can I check… there isn’t a big red auto-destruct button is there?
SUPREME DALEK: No, no. We’re on top of that one this time.
PENNY: Excellent.
SUPREME DALEK: Oh no. We’ve replaced it with a big red button that will reverse the effects of the Reality Bomb.
PENNY: Ah.
***
INT. Dalek saucer, ad 102
INT. Dalek saucer, ad 102
DALEK SUPREME: … and so that’s why we are forming the Pandorica Alliance!
PENNY: Really? What will happen if you don’t?
DALEK SUPREME: All life will be wiped out in this universe and all universes.
PENNY: I thought that was what you wanted last time?
DALEK SUPREME: Really? You sure? It’s just the Drahvins did a very good Powerpoint.
PENNY: Gosh, is that the time? Must dash. I’ve got a meeting
with the Silence. They’re planning on invading the Earth at the dawn of time in
order to build a spacesuit.
DALEK SUPREME: You are kidding.
***
DALEK SUPREME: You are kidding.
***
