Miss Marple Review

Miss Marple's best friend, Dolly Bantry, writes:

It's so charming - simply charming - to find oneself back onscreen. And how adorable that I'm now played by Joanna Lumley! Wonderful!

And what of my dear Jane Marple, now played by Geraldine McEwen? Oh, isn't she utterly marvellous? Mind like a hatchet, though her posture suggests that she's left the coat-hanger in her swishy cardie. And what an adventure! All that chasing around in splendid hats and drinking. There was even a special leather riding bonnet for Jane that was last seen on Wallace and Gromit - or was it left over from when that Rutherford gorgon was staying in St. Mary Mead? Who can say?

Well, it's hardly surprising as nowadays old-fashioned crime has to be quaint, sparkling and frothy like that ersatz champagne so adored by those lovely bachelor men Who Dance At The Other End of The Ballroom. Brilliant!

How lovely it is to be in a world that's always sunny, and the drinks are always flowing, and the men are just so, so... well, let me just say, one of the suspects was the adorable Jamie Theakston, and every one else was simply too, too famous to be there!

Even dear Simon Callow - d'you think it was piles or a St. Vitus Dance he was suffering from during filming? One just can't tell! But, how divine to see him literally hopping from foot to foot during his scenes, seemingly longing for the lavatory - which had been probably been stuffed with a fake body and burnt down. Probably by lesbians. Oh, simply divine!

And a marvel to see that old friend of ours, Day-For-Night Filming - who I hadn't seen since the Children's Film Foundation in the 70s. So nice to be getting work again - though one cad suggested that it was because we'd drunk away the budget! Cruel, cruel, cruel.

How marvellously talented and novel it all was. Especially when they changed the ending (and a murderer) by introducing thrillingly modern lesbianism! Well, my dears, none of us batted an eyelid (except for dear Mr Callow, who by that point was batting everything). But, honestly - how reassuring to see that all *that sort* are wickedly evil. I'd never have guessed. TV producers, my dears, minds like sinks.

Anyway, I really must attend to the garden. The begonias are divine at this time of year! But before I hurry off my dears, one little secret - yes, you were correct. Every time Jane and I were having a cup of tea, there was gin in it!

Marple, currently running on Sunday evenings on The Other Channel. As soothing as cocoa with a slight tang of almonds.

(PS: Wonder what the copyright is on reproducing stuff I write at work?)