Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The night I shagged Harry Potter

Q: How did your interview with the world's top listings magazine go?
A: I accidentally referred to listings as "dull".

Afterwards, shaken and wearing painful shoes, I rang up Adam and begged him to take me out for a drink. We ended up in a gay-o-rama on a roundabout in Victoria. Adam's there, along with a charming young couple. Let's call them Perfecton #1 and Perfecton #2.

Gays aren't like they used to be. The Perfectons were 21, shared a flat, were terribly mature, and kept on popping open their Blackberries to check with their dealers... Their share dealers ("oh, I knew Northern Rock would rally").

It was kind of like VHS going out for drinks with a couple of DVDs. They were so shiny. It made me a little whistful.

We all ended up in an Italian restaurant. Adam wandered off for a cigarette/to abuse a waitress/phone his boyfriend.

ME: Oh.


ME: Your boyfriend's hand appears to be on my knee.

PERFECTON #2: Shouldn't it be?

ME: Well, it's ... I... gosh...

PERFECTON #1: How old are you?

ME: 33.

PERFECTON #2: Then not too old.

PERFECTON #1: No. Good.

PERFECTON #2: Then that's settled.

ME: ...


ME: Has anyone ever turned you two down?

PERFECTON #2: No. Why would they?

PERFECTON #1: We both have such good taste.

(They smile. In unison. It's not at all sinister).


That's the thing about The Gay Lottery. No matter how shitty your day, you may win at any moment.

PS: Perfecton #2 was an actor when young, and played Harry Potter in a video game before discovering an aptitude for Network Server Maintainance. "I was such a disappointment to Sylvia Young..."


Lippy said...

Blimey if you're VHS that makes me an old vinyl 45! I shall think consoling thoughts about being a colletor's item! - look on the bright side at least you're not betamax.

Sorry about listings - but you could have made them far less dull!

Skip said...

Apparently the hardware is the same, but they've completely upgraded the software and operating system.