Sunday, November 27, 2005

Ooh Krums, it's Harry Hotter


Things to notice about the Harry Potter film:
  1. Harry is now nearly grown up. In order to distract us from the horror of actually fancying him, the producers have flooded Hogwarts with hot young Bulgarian male porn stars.
  2. But that doesn't stop them from throwing in a topless bathing scene. It's just wrong.
  3. Lucius Malfoy now looks like H from Steps.
  4. Michael Gambon is playing the world's first Swedish-Canadian wizard. Badly.
  5. Hermione appears to be in a different film. Which she's also stealing.
  6. Viktor Krum arrives all scrawny muscle from Bulgaria... and then hits the catering truck. Cue special Boreanaz lenses.
  7. When Viktor and Cedric go off into the maze and are warned that they may lose themselves... well, I was hoping they would find each other.

Things NOT to notice about the new Harry Potter film:
  1. It lasts forever.
  2. Even though they've cut out loads of stuff, it still feels dull and padded.
  3. More endings than Lord of the Rings.
  4. It's not very good.

1 comment:

James said...

You've - perhaps sensibly - neglected to mention the most galringly obvious fact about the new film: that Daniel Radcliffe has nipples with which you could cut glass.

I thought that the new film was okay, and certainly more coherant in terms of editing than the last one. That's as positive as I'm prepared to be, however ;)