Things to notice about the Harry Potter film:
- Harry is now nearly grown up. In order to distract us from the horror of actually fancying him, the producers have flooded Hogwarts with hot young Bulgarian male porn stars.
- But that doesn't stop them from throwing in a topless bathing scene. It's just wrong.
- Lucius Malfoy now looks like H from Steps.
- Michael Gambon is playing the world's first Swedish-Canadian wizard. Badly.
- Hermione appears to be in a different film. Which she's also stealing.
- Viktor Krum arrives all scrawny muscle from Bulgaria... and then hits the catering truck. Cue special Boreanaz lenses.
- When Viktor and Cedric go off into the maze and are warned that they may lose themselves... well, I was hoping they would find each other.
Things NOT to notice about the new Harry Potter film:
- It lasts forever.
- Even though they've cut out loads of stuff, it still feels dull and padded.
- More endings than Lord of the Rings.
- It's not very good.