Friday, March 17, 2006

i-oh-you

This morning, I finally understand the difference between Author and Reader. I never bothered with it at university. But now, I finally get it.

ME:

Bad news: I was a shameful fool last night.
Good news: It didn't involve sex.

YOU:
Good news: He was a shameful fool last night.
Bad news: It didn't involve sex.

Late last night, pissed and desperate I was a fool. You know that "Return to Base!" thing, where your body goes "You are pissed. You aren't funny any more. Go home."

And home I went, leaving the hotel bar with reasonable dignity and out into the cold night air. Then I realised I had lost my keys.

Completely. With the precision of a drunk, I took my jacket off and folded it out on the pavement, looking for keys. No.

I returned to the hotel bar, and started crawling around looking for keys on the floor. There was no dignity. Just desperation. And no keys.

Someone took me to the hotel reception and explained my plight. The receptionist smiled, pityingly. "How awful, sir! Don't worry - we'll even put you in a suite for the night. Let's end the day on a good note."

I told him he was terribly kind, one of the nicest people in the world. I may even have cried.

I took the lift up to my room, and stepped inside. It was amazing. I stared out at the view, and sighed happily.

It was then that I put my hand in my pocket and found my keys.

4 comments:

Hugh said...

how much did that cost then

Imogen said...

Fabulous! At least you can land on your feet.
Did they make you pay for the room come morning? One final indignity and all that..

Skip said...

Worse! I went down to reception, and lied stupidly, telling them that it was a practical joke by my boss, and that he'd given me back my keys.

The receptionist looked at me, slowly. "You didn't take anything from the room?" he asked, and took back the key.

I tried to make a dignified exit, but walked into the Concierge's Desk instead.

Fuckkit said...

One day you'll look back on this and laugh. We're laughing already ;)