Lady Diana and King Arthur

It's London Book Fair, and a friend has spent the week having books pitched to him. Flavour of the festival is "the new Dan Brown" and "the next Da Vinci Code".

So, step forward Adrian G Gilbert, author of The Mayan Prophecies. His Mystery of the Rose reveals that Princess Di was descended from King Arthur, who, in turn was descended from the Virgin Mary.

And that's not all. Her marriage to Prince Charles was, natch, a conspiracy. Possibly arranged the Lords of Coity (actually a place, not a quaint term for shagging).

Apparently, it's been arranged for centuries that Prince William will be "King Arthur II: the once and future king." Despite the fact that you can't have two once and future kings. Eternity would get cluttered.

Anyway, "this book will startle and shock the British establishment like nothing before". Although, since the establishment are responsible for this conspiracy, they're more likely to tut with dissapointment.

Also startling and shocking is Adrian Gilbert's proposal for a novel, which features "James 'Jack' Clarence a successful academic" for whom "a professorship beckons. Yet all is not well below this veneer of success..."

We learn of "Jack's initiation into a hitherto unknown world of Welsh esotericism... However a sword-fight with the corrupt politician who murdered of his parents and even initiation into the true mystery of the Holy Grail turn out to be but chapters on Jack's path. His deepest mission is finding himself."

Publishers are warned: "The target readership is [that of] Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. Though not as fast-paced."

Be reassured: "The Sword of Arthur is based on Adrian Gilbert's own researches and is therefore unlikely to attract unwelcome lawsuits!" Or, in other words, even I'm unlikely to sue myself.

Meanwhile, publishers are also being offered a Guide to Dan Brown's work-in-progress The Solomon Key. This isn't about The Solomon Key, but simply predicts the likely topics that will be in The Solomon Key. Surely a unique venture in publishing. Especially as the book's no longer called The Solomon Key.