I listen to the Archers cycling home, headphones secrued by my helmet. This means I can't rip them out of my ears whenever Will Grundy's drippy new girlfriend opens her mouth.
So, if a raddled gay pedalled past you shouting "shutup!shutup!shutup!" at 7pm last night, now you know.
Seriously, it's all go in England's rural portal to hell. First ghastly Shiobhan had cancer. Or rather, it's fairer to say that cancer had Shiobhan. She managed to be irritating even in a coma, which is surely a first for radio.
With Shiobhan out of the way, Brian and St Jenny of Martyr have to bring up Rory, the genetic hellspawn of Shiobhan and Brian Aldridge. If he's not wetting the bed he's asking what death is ("Well, it's like when Mr Badger said goodbye to all his friends and went down the very long tunnel" explains Brian helpfully).
Dull gays Ian and Adam still manage to tick the box without stuffing it. Adam hired another load of Polish strawberry pickers without incident, and Ian decorated the living room in Japanese style. Oh, and they got married.
Jacks' still mad, drunken soak Lillian may be losing Matt to a local newt expert, and Vile Kenton has smoothly managed to make his girlfriend's rape all about him.
Elsewhere in Ambridge, Linda Snell's failed to burst into flames, and Shula hasn't yet grown angel's wings, but it's surely just a matter of time.