Right. We've a lot of catching up to do. Still can't say where I've been (Top Secret Project keeps on being announced and unannounced like a government policy).
But... bloke update. Well, he's Scottish, he's a lawyer, he's rather handsome and he lives in Northampton. Which is a shame, but has charms of its own. I grew up near there so I get to point at places and go "I went sledging on that hill when I was eight with friends from school. Christopher Price's mother offered us all cigarettes." I think this makes me endearing and whimsical.
Anyway, laywer is almost perfect. Well, apart from his Radio Four blindspot. "I thought it was where Terry Wogan went to die," he said. I put him right, and he looks even more confused. "So, what kind of music do they play on Radio Four?"
"Well, none, really. Just talking."
"Just talking? Like a phone in?"
"Well, not all the time. You know, news and current affairs."
"So is it just politicians and housewives shouting?"
"And some comedy. And a soap opera about a farm."
"And you have really never heard of it?"
"Given the breathtaking array of content you've just described, can you think of a single reason why I should have?"
".... well, no."