Readers of Entertainment Weekly and about no-one else will know the controversy over Jon & Kate + 8, the US reality show about a firecracker, her doormat, and their eight kids.
Of course, once fame beckoned, Jon ran for freedom shacking up with, seemingly, his wife's plastic surgeon's daughter. Since then things have been rocky, but America seems bemused.
And then comes the news that Jon's cancelled a public appearence, replaced by Ryan Kwanten. Ryan... Kwanten. That one. Off True Blood. You know the one I mean. The naked one who the plot keeps getting in the way of.
Let's just run this one by you again, slowly.
Seriously. I'd love to imagine the phone call. "Sorry, no, slightly sullied family man's pulled out of your casino opening. But don't panic. I can offer you the shagger from True Blood."