List of things about Glasgow (good and bad)

• In places, it's so beautiful it's almost beyond belief. Like Portmerion's older brother.
• When it rains, it really rains. Special rain, for hardy folk.
• The people here drink like they're in training. I've seen women pulling each other's hair and laughing as they roll around in the street. The men drink so much they really do sing loud songs - last night, a bar full of drunk, drunk old men were slurring along to the pub megamix.
• Things here cost Polish prices - signs outside pubs cry out with "1.30 G&T" and "vodka & splash £1" (see above).  A decent cup of coffee is merely a pound.
• Nearly every restaurant is Indian. If it isn't Chinese. The food is good - but is ghee'd up to guarantee indigestion.
• Lots of shops advertise "larger sizes a specialty" (see above)
• The sheer exuberance of the people is astonishing. Men run onto the dance floor like they're charging into battle. Dancing is a weird, flailing attack on personal space and rhythm.
• Even in the pouring rain, there are still queues at ice cream vans.
• The Glaswegians talk to each other in a barely understandable idialect. Imagine a Clanger mating with a modem - only slowed down, like one of David Attenborough's hummingbirds.