Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Fudgepack Mountain

WARNING: SPOILERS

(A mountain scene. Endlessly)

COWBOY 1: mumble mumble mumble.

COWBOY 2: Get in here, Ennis.

(Ennis gets in there. And continues to do so, occasionally, for 20 years)

TOKEN WIFE 1: Ennis, I wish we woz rich and could afford new formica.

(She gives birth, miserably)

TOKEN WIFE 2: As I gets older, mah blonde wig just gets bigger.

(You blinked. Oh dear, you missed a gay sex scene)

COWBOY 1: mumble mumble mumble.

COWBOY 2: Until we're together, I'm gonna grow my moustache.


Jake Gyllenhal's moustache


COWBOY 1: mumble mumble mumble.

THE END

AUDIENCE: sob!

(Note: After watching Brokeback Mountain, I had a dream in which it was remade with Dick and Dom. It was much better).

3 comments:

frobisher said...

Thank goodness! I thought I was the only one who thought it overrated. Sat on the edge of my seat trying to work out what the mumbler was saying. And having the other beaten to death at the end re-inforces the view that all gay relationships end in tears. The film Crash was much better.

Skip said...

I figured everyone would be much happier if they had central heating.

It made Brief Encounter look like a Bond Film.

And yeah, the whole gratuitous spanner-whipping really irritated me. What happened there? What is Jack being punished for - a life of discrete gayness, for leaving Ennis, or for his Mexican moments?

And how come Heath Ledger is suddenly SO FUCKING UGLY?

Hugh said...

lol...... i can see the porn film title already "fudgepack mountain"
i think that version will be much more entertaining.