Sky One Trailers

Dear Sky One, it's not that your trailers are bad. They're just wrong.

First, we have sixteen trails an hour for Rescue Me. You make it look like Scrubs, but about firemen. Male, topless firemen, who spend all their time wisecracking homoerotically.

Of course I tuned in. But no. Instead it's a heartbreaking drama about alcoholism, post-traumatic stress disorder, angst, disfigurement and despair, which ends with Dennis Leary soaking himself in vodka and flicking his lighter. Brilliant, but not the show you advertised.

And then, worst of all, are your sponsorship spots for 24. In which a hideous Sloane Ranger in an environment-mashing SUV travels through the "24th Parallel" having heart-warming encounters with ethnic types. Typically:

SLOANE: Gosh! I've run out of petrol! How silly! Can you give me some?
HAPLESS NATIVE smiles awkwardly, then gives her all his petrol.
SLOANE: Wow! That's so great! I really think we connected!
SLOANE roars away in her SUV, leaving HAPLESS NATIVE to walk the 12 miles home.

I'm eagerly awaiting the installment where she gets gang-raped by hi-jackers and left groaning in the dust while her film crew just laugh and laugh.

Er, I mean, um... kittens.