Thursday, February 23, 2006

In teeth, wisdom

My wisdom tooth wouldn't have been so bad if my designer wasn't an insomniac and a psychic.

So far, all my wisdom teeth have emerged naturally and painlessly, like a scientologist miracle birthing.

But this last one is heavy going, leaving my gum as inflamed as a Danish Imam with a copy of Asterix meets Mohammed.

The pain is so bad it's weaned me off my sleeping pills. You see, the problem with my sleeping pills is that they'd wake me up at 4am for a quarter of an hour. Exactly.
At the moment it's just dead time, but I'm sure in a future release they'll fill it with adverts.

Sadly, 4am turns out to be the exact time when my bedtime ibuprofen wears off, leaving my wisdom tooth at its sharpest.

So, between 3 and 5 (when the new painkillers start to take effect), my dreams are predictably tortured.

The reason I'm telling you this is to explain the plight of my psychic designer, trying to sleep in the next room.

"Your fear woke me up," he scowled the next morning. "Waves of panic and pain coming through the walls. Couldn't get a wink of sleep. I tried sending thoughts of spiders back, but it didn't shut you up."



Anonymous said...

oh, so your moans of pain, had nothing to do with him waking up... it was your telpathic waves eh

so whats with the sleeping tablets?

Skip said...

My pharmucopia is all to do with quitting smoking, work stress, allergies and teeth.

1) Sleeping tablets put me to sleep, which stops me worrying about work, or wanting a cigarette.

2) Nicotine patches stop me craving a cigarette.

3) But unfortunately, make my skin itch. Hence the anti-histamines.

4) And the vast slew of painkillers are to ward off the wisdom tooth.

5) And the inevitable just-given-up-smoking Cold From Hell.

They have yet to make a table that cures self pity.

James said...

Is the designer in question Mr Binding? I know he's been taking psychic classes recently...

I could renew my offer of supplying you with massages, which might help considerably with a lot of the list above. I promise that I've never managed to catapult a client halfway across the room mid-massage by hitting an odd pressure point! (I know that, from a professional point of view, I ought to be proud of this fact, but actually, it sounds kind of a cool feat!)

Anonymous said...

yes, but does he have to go in to "school" or does he just sits at home recieving the lesson, via telepathetic

i had all my wisdom teeth out via a general anesthetic, in hospital... once they gave me the pre-med and wheeled me to theatre.... apparently i was shouting very loudly, complaining that they didn't have pictures of furry rabbits on the ceiling for patients to look at as they wheeled them to theatre.... trouble was, this was at a military hospital, where you didn't do that sort of thing

Skip said...

i want to go to military hospital!

Anonymous said...

since then, the government has shut down most, if not all military hospitals in the UK
plus you have to join up too.... you have a few more years, beofre you become too old, even for the military