There's an astonishing advert where A Desperate Single Woman gives up and gets a cat. "It was love at first sight," she gushes. "Frankie gave me a look of such love."
A cat? Love? Oh dear.
The advert finishes with the cat coming into her room in the morning, and Singleton announcing, "I don't know where I'd be without my furry alarm clock."
4 comments:
That's nothing. "That's Life" magazine had an article about a woman who prostituted herself for catfood. "Patricia had nine hungry pussies to feed and only one thing to sell..."
"...one day, while mixing a jar of salmon paste with my last four slices of break - a paltry feast for nine yowling cats - I broke down.
'I'm going to lose you,' I wept. 'You'll be taken away because I can't feed you.'"
She then meets ex-boyfriend Dave, who jokingly suggests she sell her body.
"'I'm not that desperate' I replied crisply.
Then something inside me cracked. Not desperate? I thought of the empty cupboard where pet food should be...
'How many tins would we be talking about?' I croaked.
Dave's eyes stretched in shock. 'Um...10. No, 12!' he replied.
I nodded. 'But not here,' I said."
There's lots more.
That is, of course, complete madness. And yet, utter brilliance.
What does one have to do to get a tin of that special cat pate?
It's a lot worse... "I can't get up without my furry alarm clock"
The whole advert puts me in mind of the Smack the Pony sketch "Cats - for when you just can't get a man" and the cat and woman snort coke together, take a bath together and then a paw puts the bedside light out...
My god. How brilliant is that?
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