How I wish it would go, just once:
"Hi, this is Jocasta calling from OfficeWankers. I've grabbed your cv off a pile, haven't even read it and am calling you about a job that, in about 10 seconds time we're both going to realise you're completely unsuitable for. How does that grab you?"
ME: "Sure. Once you realise it would be like hiring a cat to run the Mouse Zoo, will you keep flogging the job to me anyway?"
JOCASTA: "Oh, absolutely. Without pausing for breath."
ME: "It's based in Slough, isn't it?"
JOCASTA: "Almost certainly. I've not read that far down the job description yet but it's bound to be somewhere ghastly... ah. yup."
ME: "And are you playing with Facebook all the way through this conversation?"
JOCASTA: "But of course! I'm uploading pictures of girls night out in AllBarOne. It was hilarious."
I worked out t'other day when I run out of money. It's February 14th. Which'll be a shit of a day, but luckily it's a looong way away.