Saturday, March 03, 2007


In the middle of a busy Saturday night, The Slave texts:

"Wanna hav fone sex? I bought rubber hood and gag, nipple clamps and poppers. And collar and lead :)"

Oh. They say that romance is dead.

I had two options:
a) Text back: "Hi. You're lovely, but this is a bit hard core for me."

b) Text back: "Cool. Put it all on and I'll phone you in 15 minutes." And then never call.

I'm pleased to say I took option a.


Anonymous said...

But surely he'd have got off more on option b?

Skip said...

Well, yes, you're completely right.

I just couldn't go through with it, though. There's only so long I can do my Barbra Woodhouse impression before it gets embarrassing.

I Love London... Honest! said...

You think phone sex is hardcore? Crikey, Skip - you've gone right down in my estimation ;)

James said...

Surely, buying all those props kind of misses the point of phone sex?

Skip said...

Dear I Love London,
I apologise - I should never use expressions like "hard core". Just as I should never wear tweed.

It wasn't the phone sex I was objecting to - although, it's never really been my thing.

It was more just the very idea of chatting merrily away, emptying the dishwasher while someone is chatting away to me through a hood. And it also doesn't bode well for if I ever met up with him - I mean, there's kinky silly fun and then there's trying to shag a man who's wearing most of the B&Q catalogue.