Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Senseless Waist

I knew it wasn't going well, when my dry cleaner recognised me. "Ooh, it's you! You off the telly! ooh, Hello Marlon!"

This isn't the first time that I've been mistaken for Marlon Dingle from Emmerdale. It's always an ominous sign.

Let's just look at Marlon shall we?

Last time this happened, I remarked sourly "I look like a z-list 'sleb, only fatter."

Oh, how true. You see, I'd taken an old suit in to be let out slightly (nothing major, I thought - it was originally a 30, and I wanted it to be 32, just to give me a bit of comfort). All went well until the tailor reached for his tape.

"38 inch waist, Marlon. You look smaller on TV."

I nearly reeled as much as when I woke up in hospital to learn I had no white blood cells. Oh my god! How did I get obese without noticing it? While fitting easily into normal size jeans...?

Naturally, I'm still in a state of denial. I think I'm a 32 at my porkiest, and his measuring tape lied. The numbers just slipped a little.

"Don't worry about it, Marlon. Me? I just keep losing weight - it has to go somewhere!" My dry cleaner chuckled fondly as I left.


Hugh said...

hmm, either the "ME" picture is very old? or you have some fat depositing disorder that old deposits on your waist or the tape lies.......

our survey says.........

James said...

I know we've not seen each other in person for a while, but you've certainly never struck me as porky. Trim and svelt are more likely descriptions, in fact.

Mind you, I was amused to see in the new SFX Special, that you and Joe appear to have been cyber-converted. So weight should no longer be a worry to you at all ;)

Skip said...

I know - but it is just bizarre. Daren't really go and pick the suit up from the cleaner - it should be baggy as hell. The biggest trousers I've ever owned were 34-inch jeans i got in a sale, and they fell down around my ankles regularly. Which had its advantages...