I've spent most of the weekend trying to fill in a job application form. And I'm finally at the bit where they ask for your "Hobbies and Interests". I'm stumped.
At first I just typed "Boyz and Lego" and then realised - paedo sex addict. I can't put down "Smoking" - health hazard. And my love of old green Penguin books? Are you going to interview someone who has "Crime" as a hobby?
Last year I was flicking through some applications for Finance Director at a friend's company. One applicant had put as his Interests:
"My wife and I have thoroughly enjoyed restoring our 16th Century Farmhouse, and the entire family take part in the village green cricket team that I've captained to victory for three years running."
In many ways it's a model answer - Stability, normality, leadership, team, success, affluence, heterosexuality. But at the same time... tosser.
Anyway. I'm still stumped. There's always the gaydar.co.uk checklist, which offers at random: "Armpits, Chaps, Frottage, Fur, Socks, Toys, Vacuum Pumps, and Waders". No.
I suppose I could tell them that I write a blog - but that's just asking for trouble. Would you want a potential employer looking through your past life? Although, thinking about it, I would only change two things. I'd never have had a lumbar puncture, and I'd be dating Robbie Williams. Oh shush, I'd be good for him.