Today, I am trapped in my trousers.
I reached for an old belt this morning, forgetting there was a very good reason why I don't use it any more. The fastening mechanism's broken. Or rather, it only works one way.
I've tried a few methods of releasing it. I'm now down a fingernail and have blunted a screwdriver. I was reaching for a chisel and lump hammer when I remembered the unfortunate story of the mad man who filletted his phallus in a fish restaurant.