Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Curing the Common Cold with Disco, Snickers and an Estonian

Fuck the germs! To the Black Cap on Monday night, for vodka and Laquisha Jonz's "Bling Blang Blung!" an interactive game show hosted by a Burberry drag queen.

How wonderful! I thought, when I was dragged up on stage. Please let it be the current affairs round, for I have read Heat this week. Or at a pinch, films...

No, it was not. I had to perform fellatio on a Snickers bar. Placed between the thrusting thighs of a DJ. The aim was to remove as much chocolate as possible in 30 seconds. Actually harder than you'd think. Especially as I was competing against a young Estonian, the European experts in head.

I am pleased to report that I won.

But only because the Estonian used his teeth and bit the end off. Nasty.

PS: Have you noticed that latin terms are always used for simulated sex? Curious.
PPS: The Estonian spoke no English. But was charming. And later on, I'm pleased to say, I let him win.


Lee said...

He means, dear readers, that he shuffled the poor, unsuspecting Estonian into a toilet cubicle.

'Let him win,' indeed.

Skip said...

This would be while you were pressed up against a wall while a man-who-was-not-your-boyfriend gave you a rather intimate "psychic reading".