Rejection

Well, I guess as I enter my gay twilight (or, "Twiglet") I'd better get used to rejection... but, oh... the madness, and the sadness.

Randomly, I bumped into Simon, a top shag from last year.

Still as sexy as ever, but now a fully qualified Gay ("I've not looked back since you, mate.") and terribly huggy, I figured I could settle down for a couple of quick drinks and then vanish into the night with him.

It all went wrong. Dad always told me "Never go back" - and it's as true of restaurants as it is of top shags. Suddenly realised that Simon and I had nothing in common. Worse, it was really hard finding things to talk about: "So, the uh call centre. Is it, um, all right, then?" (pause) "Yeah. Kind of."

Even worse, I started getting on with his friends quite well. They were lovely, but Far Too Young and it was another world. There's a scene in Educating Rita where Julie Walters goes to the pub and her family and friends are all sat around singing along to an awful song. And it's at that moment she realises She Really Doesn't Belong.

Well, that night, I Was Rita. They were all sat around, singing along to the Steps medley and doing the motions, and it was kind of fun for a bit, but realising that they were going to be doing that All Evening. With Vodka Twistees and camera phones.

I suddenly felt really old. Even more so when Simon leant over and said, "Look, mate, you're a great mate, mate, but you're just a mate, mate. Is that Okay?"

"Yeah," I said. One of his friends fell over looking for her high heel and screamed with laughter.